what other people think

how come i always care about what other people think of me? i've always tried hard to make a good impression. i've always wanted everyone to like me. i know that's not "healthy". i know that i should just be "myself", but sometimes i don't know if i know myself anymore. i always get affected when i learn that the people that i call my friends show me one thing but feel another. i hate it when i'm not told about my "faults" to my face. i've always been the kind of person who wants to know if people have a problem with me. why don't people see that?

* sigh *

i don't know what i'm talking about.

* sigh *

'guess i'm just tired and sleepy. anyway, it's already 5:30am. it's way past my bedtime. but i can't go home yet. i have to finish my shift. darn!

i try

by Macy Gray

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop

I believe that Faith
Has brought us here
And we should be together babe
But we're not

I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fading

I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner for your Love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front, just a front

I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fading

I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy I need your touch
Your love, kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny, deny

I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fading

I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

-- oOo --

Just heard the song and decided to post the lyrics. Ü

thoughts on people and emotions

"sometimes, we dont get what we want because of some reason or another. it is harder when it involves emotions and people."

a friend once told me this, and i do believe it. when it comes to emotions, decisions become harder. normally, we don't want people to get hurt but sometimes we just can't help it. one way or the other, a person would be badly affected by a decision you make even if that person is not directly involved in the situation. sometimes, all we could say is "sorry". but most of the time, apologizing doesn't help because the damage has been done. wounds heal, but scars remain.

a glimpse of the past

i saw the lyrics of the song I Don't Wanna Wait In Vain on the friendster bulletin board. i really like MYMP's version of it. so nice

anyway, while i was browsing through my friendster account, i was surprised to find 2 testimonials for my approval. one of these testimonials mentioned a guy i had a crush on during high school. i then remembered those days. i was really going ga-ga over this guy, but i know he wasn't interested in me. he only saw me as a friend. after a few years, he contacted me for some reason. next thing i knew, he wanted to court me. unfortunately, i had to turn him down because i wasn't interested in him anymore. oh well, that's life.

under the weather

i'm not feeling well. i have a slight fever, plus i am bothered by my cough and cold. i guess this started last sunday. i waxed the floor of our "home" then cooked carbonara for 8 people. i enjoyed what i did, there's no doubt about that. but i guess i was just tired from these late nights here at the office. a shift of 6pm to 3am is not actually "healthy".

earlier this evening, i found out that we might be able to go home earlier than scheduled. i don't know how i feel about this yet. i'm kind of sad because i don't know what's in store for me at home. thinking of the problems that welcomed me the last time i was there, i'm not at all excited. but i know i'll have to deal with them eventually. although my sisters say that things are getting better at home, i guess i'm still not that confident about it. i guess i'll just hope for the best but still expect the worst. i do want to go home as soon as i could, but i know that i'm going to miss this place, especially the friends i made here.

i just wish everything will work out fine.

jitters

i'm literally shaking. i don't know what the cause is, but i don't like this feeling. my heart is palpitating that it seems like i had too much caffeine intake. the weird thing is i only had a glass of iced tea (which does not have that much caffeine in it).

WAAH! somebody, HELP! :(

another day has passed...

i'm now officially 26 years old. oh well, that's life. ;p

anyway, thank you to all the people who remembered my birthday. your greetings were very much appreciated. you all made me happy. Ü

this is it!

it's my birthday! Ü

big deal? yeah, really big deal because i can't spend it with my family. i'm currently at the office, working. what a way to start your birthday, huh? but i believe this is better than sleeping it off.

* sigh *

oh well, a special person called to greet me. it's very sweet. it made me feel good knowing that somebody remembered. to that person: thanks again for calling. you made my day. Ü

so near, yet so far...

my birthday's just around the corner. in a few days, i'll be a year older (but not wiser). it's just sad to think that i won't be able to spend it with my family.

hmm...i just remembered! my mom gave me a present (a red shirt) and a card (which she said i shouldn't read yet). i'm a "good girl", i haven't opened the envelope yet. ;p i am now kind of anticipating what's inside that greeting card. i know that i would definitely be homesick after reading it.

* sigh *

my birthday wish? i haven't thought about it yet. it's not like i'll get my wish anyway, but i haven't pondered about what it would be yet.

oh well...!

i'm back!

back in davao again. my trip home was a very stressful one. i thought i would be able to recharge, but NO! there were a lot of problems when i got there. problems which i can't do anything about. problems which i can't resolve

* sigh *

seems like davao is becoming my retreat.

* sigh *

anyway, i'm still happy coz i was able to spend time with my family and some friends while i was there. although it was sad because i was so busy that i wasn't able to meet up with most of my friends. it was generally a nice trip, though. i was able to get a taste of my father's cooking again. :D i was also able to cook myself! :D

extended again!

* sigh *

our project schedule has been extended again. :( we'll be staying here until the 3rd week of october. as consolation, however, we get to go home this weekend. YIPEE! :) of course, i don't think being home for 3 days is enough to recharge me...but i have to make do. i'll just try and spend as much time as i can with my family and friends.

* sigh *

a piece of advice...

a friend sent this, and i think this is a very good piece of advice...

"We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being HAPPY, and achieving SUCCESS. You have to LAUGH and find humor everyday. You've got to have a DREAM. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.

We make a Living by what we get, we make a Life by what we give. God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

bored

* sigh *

After a very tiring day, I'm bored. Nothing to do here at the office...

Oh well, at least I have time for myself right now. I'm actually kind of happy coz I can relax a bit. I'm also excited because I'm anticipating the coming weekend. :D